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Are You An Asshole ? - Six Part Lecture by David Saks

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"When I encounter a mean spirited person,

the first thing I think is:

Wow, what an asshole !

I bet you do, too.

You might call such people

bullies, creeps, jerks, weasels, tormentors,

tyrants, serial slammers, despots,

or unconstrained egomaniacs, but for me at least,

Asshole

best captures the fear and loathing

that I have for these nasty people."

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Robert H. Sutton, PhD-

Professor of Management Science and Engineering

Professor of Organizational Behavior

Stanford University

Assholes & How To Avoid Them
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~
David Saks

Assholes and How to Avoid Them is a lecture series by David Saks, presented on his website as a blunt,
practical guide to dealing with difficult people. The page frames it as advice on navigating “assholes” in everyday life,
with a focus on survival and avoiding damage rather than reforming them.

What it is:

The series appears to be organized as six lectures, which suggests a structured talk or course rather
than a traditional single book. The author’s site describes it in practical terms,
emphasizing direct language and real-world coping strategies.

Author context

David Saks is also described elsewhere as a journalist and author of nonfiction for general readers.
That helps explain why the project is presented in an accessible, essay-like style rather than as academic psychology.

Best match

If you were looking for the work itself, the most relevant page is the official David Saks entry titled
“Assholes & How To Avoid Them - Six Lectures by David Saks”. That is the clearest source for identifying the title and format.

Would you like a brief summary of the lectures’ themes?


The lectures appear to focus on a few practical themes: recognizing manipulative or selfish behavior early, protecting your time and boundaries,
and learning when to disengage rather than try to fix difficult people.


A broader theme is that “assholes” are often best handled with strategy, not moral outrage.
The framing on Saks’s site suggests the point is survival and avoidance, with blunt advice for navigating people who drain, exploit, or derail others.


Another likely theme is self-protection through clarity and realism. That means trusting your read on someone’s behavior, not excusing
repeated bad conduct, and focusing on what actually works in real life instead of hoping the person will change.


The series also seems to lean toward practical judgment over idealism. Based on how it is presented,
the lectures likely emphasize keeping distance, setting limits, and using common sense when dealing with toxic personalities.

Strategies Saks recommends for setting interpersonal boundaries

Saks’s boundary advice seems to center on clarity, distance, and consistency: know what behavior you will not accept,
say it plainly, and stop giving repeated second chances to people who keep crossing the line.

In practical terms, that means:

Identify the specific behavior you need to limit.

Communicate the limit directly and without drama.

Follow through if the person ignores it, rather than negotiating endlessly.

Reduce contact when someone repeatedly drains, manipulates, or disrespects you.


His framing is less about “fixing” the other person and more about protecting yourself from predictable bad behavior.
That makes the boundary strategy more defensive than diplomatic: set the line early, keep it firm, and don’t over-explain it.

Would you like me to turn that into a one-paragraph practical checklist?

Here’s a concise checklist of the boundary strategies:

Identify the specific behavior you will not accept.

State your limit clearly and directly.

Keep your explanation brief.

Watch for repeat violations.

Follow through on consequences.

Reduce contact if the behavior continues.

Stop trying to persuade or “fix” the person.

Protect your time, energy, and attention first.

If you want, I can turn this into a one-sentence mantra or a printable pocket version.

Differences between Saks's approach and common conflict resolution models

Saks’s approach seems more avoidant and defensive than most mainstream conflict-resolution models.
Where common models aim to repair the relationship, find common ground, or reach a mutually acceptable outcome,
Saks appears to emphasize spotting bad actors early, setting limits, and disengaging when needed.

Main differences

Common models like collaboration and compromise try to solve the conflict itself;
Saks’s framing is more about protecting yourself from the person causing it.


Standard conflict methods usually encourage active dialogue, interest-sharing, and negotiation;
Saks seems to favor shorter, firmer boundary-setting with less back-and-forth.


Many conflict frameworks assume both sides can work toward a win-win;
Saks’s approach appears to assume some people are not worth negotiating with and should simply be managed or avoided.

Practical contrast

In a typical conflict-resolution model, you would ask what each person needs and try to build a solution that addresses both sides.
In Saks’s style, the priority is more likely to be: “Is this person safe, reasonable, and worth the effort?” and if not, reduce contact and hold the line.

When each works

Conflict-resolution models work best when the other person is basically cooperative and the issue is solvable through communication.
Saks’s approach is better suited to recurring disrespect, manipulation, or boundary-pushing, where more discussion just creates more wear and tear.

If you want, I can turn this into a side-by-side comparison table.

Context on why Saks frames this advice around survival and avoidance

Saks seems to frame the advice around survival because the underlying assumption is that some people are not merely
“difficult” but genuinely costly to your well-being, so the goal becomes minimizing harm rather than resolving the relationship.


That survival-and-avoidance lens fits a world where repeated boundary violations, manipulation,

or disrespect are treated as predictable hazards. In that setting, the smartest move is to conserve energy,
limit exposure, and stop investing in people who reliably escalate problems.


It also matches a practical, self-protective style of advice: instead of asking how to win a conflict, Saks appears to ask
how to avoid getting dragged into one at all. That makes the guidance feel less like negotiation training and more like risk management.


A simple way to read his framing is this: when someone keeps showing you they are unsafe, unreasonable,
or exhausting, survival means believing the pattern and acting accordingly.

Tell me more about David Saks writing

David Saks’s writing, at least as he presents it on his own site, is clear, concise, and aimed at general readers.
He says his goal is to explain cultural and historical subjects in a “friendly” style,
using only the facts needed to make the point and avoiding jargon or clutter.

A few traits stand out:

He values brisk structure and strong organization over exhaustive detail.

He tries to write so a motivated teenager could understand the material.

He prefers prose that teaches without showing off expertise.

He focuses on making the main idea easy to grasp quickly rather than burying it in background.


That style fits the tone of Assholes & How To Avoid Them: direct, practical, and unsentimental.
So even when the topic is blunt, the writing style seems designed to be accessible rather than academic or polished for literary effect.


One useful way to think about his approach is that he writes like a guide, not an essayist trying to be clever.
The emphasis is on clarity, usefulness, and speed of understanding.

Examples of behaviors identified as red flags in the lecture series
In the lecture series, the red flags seem to be less about isolated rude moments and more about
repeated patterns of behavior that tell you the person is likely to waste your time, violate boundaries, or make life harder.

Examples that fit that framing include:

Constantly pushing past clear limits.

Ignoring direct requests.

Using charm or friendliness to get access, then turning manipulative.

Draining attention without offering reciprocity.

Creating drama, conflict, or chaos that other people have to absorb.

Acting as if normal rules do not apply to them.


The important idea is that Saks seems to treat these behaviors as warning signals early on,
not as things to excuse and hope will improve.
 
In that view, the red flag is the pattern itself:
if someone repeatedly makes interactions feel costly,
the safest response is usually to distance yourself rather than keep negotiating.



 David1980frame.jpg
About David 
 
David Saks – Memphis Musician, Radio Personality & Cultural Figure
David Saks, born on August 1, 1952, in Memphis, Tennessee, is a multi-talented figure known as a musician, composer, radio personality,
real estate broker, and cultural ambassador for Memphis. He has been a prominent voice in the city's artistic and community life for over five decades. 

A classically trained pianist, Saks studied at the University of Memphis and the San Francisco Conservatory of Music.
He is best known musically for composing "In Memphis" and "One Last Bridge", both of which were adopted as the
Official Songs of Memphis by unanimous resolution of the Memphis City Council in 1990 and 1991.  His music manuscripts are preserved in the Library of Congress. 

Saks has been a long-time radio personality, hosting shows on campus radio stations including WTGR and WUMR (U92) at the University of Memphis,
where he has broadcast jazz, blues, and eclectic music blends since 1969. He also contributed to Rock 103’s "Wake Up Crew" and has been a fixture in Memphis media. 

Beyond music and radio, Saks is a licensed real estate broker and advocate for fair housing,
actively opposing predatory lending practices. He has ties to the Presley family, having visited Graceland on the day Elvis died (August 16, 1977),
and was honored in 1993 with the first officially canceled Elvis Presley commemorative stamp. 

A passionate stamp collector, Saks is a director and ambassador for the Memphis Stamp Club
and maintains one of the world’s notable philatelic resources online. 

David Saks, born August 1, 1952, in Memphis, is a multi-faceted cultural figure
known for his contributions to music, radio, real estate advocacy, and philately. 

Music & Arts
Composed "In Memphis" and "One Last Bridge", adopted as the Official Songs of Memphis by unanimous city council resolution in 1990 and 1991. 
His music manuscripts are archived in the Library of Congress, and recordings are held in the Memphis Public Library’s Memphis Collection. 
Classically trained; studied at the University of Memphis and San Francisco Conservatory of Music; played Steinway Hall in New York and London. 

David Saks, musician and radio personality

Began broadcasting at age 17 on WTGR (now WUMR 91.7), the University of Memphis campus radio station, in 1969. 
Hosted The David Saks Show on WUMR every Saturday night from 9 PM to midnight,
focusing on jazz from the bebop era through the 1960s, blended with funk, soul, and electronic improvisation. 
Also contributed to Rock 103’s "Wake Up Crew" (2002–2004) and helped launch WLYX (Lynx Radio) at Southwestern College (now Rhodes College) in 1971,
where he was the last broadcaster before its transmitter was destroyed in a 1991 construction accident. 

Licensed real estate broker and fierce opponent of predatory lending and real estate fraud. 
Former member of the Memphis Area Association of Realtors Fair Housing Committee. 
Authored a widely followed real estate fraud blog during the subprime mortgage crisis.

Honored on January 8, 1993 (Elvis Presley’s birthday) by Graceland and the U.S.
Postal Service as the recipient of the first officially canceled Elvis Presley commemorative stamp, recognized as a national philatelic treasure. 
Life member and ambassador of the American Philatelic Society; board member of the Memphis Stamp Collectors Society. 
Longtime crossword puzzle author for Linn’s Stamp News, the world’s most widely read stamp collecting magazine. 
Demonstrated community commitment through support for St.  Jude Children’s Research Hospital and programs for the physically challenged.

David Saks, born August 1, 1952, in Memphis, is a multi-faceted cultural figure known for his contributions to music, radio, real estate advocacy, and philately. 

Composed "In Memphis" and "One Last Bridge", adopted as the Official Songs of Memphis by unanimous city council resolution in 1990 and 1991. 
His music manuscripts are archived in the Library of Congress, and recordings are held in the Memphis Public Library’s Memphis Collection. 
Classically trained; studied at the University of Memphis and San Francisco Conservatory of Music; played Steinway Hall in New York and London. 

Began broadcasting at age 17 on WTGR (now WUMR 91.7), the University of Memphis campus radio station, in 1969. 
Hosted The David Saks Show on WUMR every Saturday night from 9 PM to midnight, focusing on jazz from
the bebop era through the 1960s, blended with funk, soul, and electronic improvisation. 

Also contributed to Rock 103’s "Wake Up Crew" (2002–2004) and helped launch WLYX (Lynx Radio)
at Southwestern College (now Rhodes College) in 1971, where he was the last broadcaster
before its transmitter was destroyed in a 1991 construction accident. 

Licensed real estate broker and fierce opponent of predatory lending and real estate fraud. 
Former member of the Memphis Area Association of Realtors Fair Housing Committee. 
Authored a widely followed real estate fraud blog during the subprime mortgage crisis.

Honored on January 8, 1993 (Elvis Presley’s birthday) by Graceland and the U.S. Postal Service as the recipient of the
first officially canceled Elvis Presley commemorative stamp, recognized as a national philatelic treasure. 

Life member and ambassador of the American Philatelic Society; board member of the Memphis Stamp Collectors Society. 
Longtime crossword puzzle author for Linn’s Stamp News, the world’s most widely read stamp collecting magazine. 
Demonstrated community commitment through support for St.  Jude Children’s Research Hospital and programs for the physically challenged.

David Saks – Memphis Cultural & Civic Figure
David Saks, born August 1, 1952, in Memphis, is a lifelong advocate for the arts, fair housing,
and community service, with a career spanning music, radio, real estate, and philately. 

Radio & Broadcasting Legacy

Hosted The David Saks Show Saturday nights from 9 PM to midnight on WUMR 91.7 FM,
the University of Memphis campus radio station for decades. 
Began broadcasting at WTGR (now WUMR) in 1969 at age 17,
making him one of Memphis’s longest-serving radio personalities with over 50 years on air. 

Also contributed to Rock 103’s "Wake Up Crew" (2002–2004) and helped launch WLYX (Lynx Radio) at Rhodes College in 1971. 

Played a key role in WLYX until its destruction in a 1991 construction accident,
where he was the last person on air before the transmitter was destroyed. 

Music & Cultural Recognition

Composer of "In Memphis" and "One Last Bridge",
both adopted as the Official Songs of Memphis
by unanimous city council resolution in 1990 and 1991. 
Music manuscripts archived in the Library of Congress;
recordings preserved in the Memphis Public Library’s Memphis Collection. 
Classically trained pianist; studied under Art Bayer (San Francisco Conservatory)
and Herbert Hermann (University of Memphis); performed at Steinway Hall in New York and London. 

Licensed real estate broker and outspoken critic of predatory lending and mortgage fraud. 

Authored a widely followed real estate fraud blog, citing FBI reports and advocating
for fair housing education and anti-trust reform in real estate associations. 

Retired his real estate license in 2014, citing systemic corruption within
the National Association of Realtors (NAR) and affiliated boards. 

Honored on January 8, 1993 (Elvis’s birthday) by Graceland and the U.S. Postal Service as the recipient of
the first officially canceled Elvis Presley commemorative stamp, recognized as a national philatelic treasure. 

Life member and ambassador of the American Philatelic Society; long-time crossword puzzle contributor for Linn’s Stamp News.
Active in community causes: supported St.  Jude Children’s Research Hospital, Special Olympics,
Habitat for Humanity, and safety initiatives for real estate professionals.

Flag Counter

 "The conspicuous intent to obscure, hide and blot the truth
with dangerous, innovative convolution targeting the naivety,
ignorance and lack of sophistication of the world at large, 
created by villainous, corrupted, media-induced public opinion
and pharmacologic sophistry backed by profit and indemnity
from negligence, endangers the life of every living thing on Earth."
 
 
David Saks
 

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